coolness

We all know when someone is cool. We can feel it almost as soon as we meet someone, whether or not they have that factor that determines if they are in fact cool or not. Everyone knows what I am talking about that indescribable thing that someone can possess. You almost can’t quite put your finger on what about them makes them have this thing that so many other people lack. People can try to break it down into attractiveness, what people wear, or how they talk, and sure those things can contribute but at the end of the day, that’s just not it.

So what is it then? Well, if it were that easy there’d be a more specific word to describe that characteristic already.

I think that what makes a person cool is a combination of two things: carelessness and confidence. When you think about the people who are characterized as “cool” it’s not always the most popular, most attractive, or most fashionable person. However, it is almost always the person who cares the least about what everyone else around them is doing. They’re the people who do whatever they want, say whatever they want, and are completely themselves. If I look at celebrities or influencers, though they are all popular, attractive, and all the things we associate with fame, only some would I find cool. And I guess part of this is very subjective, but generally, I think we can all agree. Even within celebrities, some may be extremely popular, yet they lack the sense of self and unapologetic-ness that would lead them to be cool.

When you think back to high school, within and outside of popular groups, there were always those kids who everyone just knew about and kind of in a weird way respected. Back then, those kids were usually the ones misbehaving - but when you think about it, it makes sense. They were the ones doing what everyone else was afraid to do and not caring about the consequences. In adult life that can still be true, but there are a lot fewer things that are considered ‘misbehaving’ or crazy, and often the things that are still considered those things are dangerous to the point where they cross the line of cool and are just stupid. In adult life ‘risky’ actions can take different forms: moving to a new city, changing jobs, changing career paths, or doing out-of-the-ordinary hobbies. The common theme is this: cool people are doing the things we want to do or wish we could do.

At the end of the day, cool people are just themselves. Yes, a certain amount of popularity definitely factors in. If someone is completely themselves, confident, careless, etc. but their hobbies are kinda lame, then my theory a little bit fails. But generally, my ramblings hold. I can look at people who are completely different from me, love the things I hate, and hate the things I love, and still recognize that essence in them that makes them feel cool. That’s what draws us to certain people, the authenticity and realness we can feel radiating off of them.

Anyway, now that the word cool has lost all meaning, I’ll just say this: you can’t force being cool by trying to replicate what other cool people do - it completely defeats the purpose. If you want to be popular, then that’s a different story. But to just be cool - just be you and don’t give a f*ck what everyone else thinks about it.